To Forgive or Not to Forgive...That is the question?

Recently in my life, I have been asked to forgive someone, as I am sure all of you have.  So the question remains, should you free yourself from the hurt and pain one has bestowed upon you, just to release them from the mental, physical and emotional anguish, they may feel from the mistake(s) they committed?  So let’s discuss this!

First, we must define what it means to forgive.  Merriam-Websters’s dictionary defines it as “to give up resentment of or claim to requital for.” That was easy, right, not so much?

When I was attending church on a regular basis, the church gave a spiritual gifts test, to see where your strengths and weaknesses lie, and I tipped the scale when it came to COMPASSION, but severely lacked leadership skills. So one would think that forgiveness would come easy to a compassionate person, like me, but there are difficulties and struggles that are present when dealing with such a sensitive topic for everyone.  For instance, are you forgiving the person, the mistake or both?  Well, according to Bruce and David McArthur, “Many people are afraid to forgive because they must remember the wrong or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true.  Through forgiveness, the wrong is released from its emotional stranglehold on us so that we can learn from it. Through the power and intelligence of the heart, the release of forgiveness brings expanded intelligence to work with the situation more effectively.”  So why is it not easy to forgive someone, well, it is in the definition, you would have to give up the resentment and the feelings of hurt, and it is not easy to do when you really want them to remember the wrong.   So I would have to assume that the answer to the above question is you cannot forgive a person, without forgiving the mistake as well. 

Next, a mistake is always forgivable, rarely excusable, and always unacceptable, but to err is human, therefore no one is perfect, and we ALL make mistakes. Plus, there is no measure to the degree of the mistake, whether it’s a lie, crime, or hurtful words, they are all just mistakes, and should be forgiven.  Lance Morrow said, “Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business.  Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another’s control…to be locked into a sequence of act and response of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always.  The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past.  Forgiveness frees the forgiver.  It extracts the forgiver from someone else’s nightmare.”  Don’t be imprisoned, because someone else faulted, we all fall at some point in our lives, and when that happens, we will be the one asking for forgiveness and acceptance.  Keep in mind though, if truly want to keep that person in your future, you must remember that just because you forgave them, it in no way changes the past; it just makes sure that a future can exist. This is where my compassion plays a huge part in the process; I would not want to hinder anyone from their future, nor mine. If forgiving meant a better future for all involved then isn’t it worth it just to forgive, to make it a memory to learn from and not a mistake to be a burden.   

  

So who haven’t you forgiven, and is keeping you from moving forward with your future?